


Insomnia

by StormDriver



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Hurt Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 06:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormDriver/pseuds/StormDriver
Summary: A short piece that I wrote before KH3 released. I had gotten the game a few days early, however, so I wanted to write something.





	Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FluffyK97](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyK97/gifts).



> I'd had this written out for a little under two months now. I rewrote a small section of it while I was going through my writer's block for Atone and Repay. This is a one-shot and it's rather short, but I was feeling emotions for Ventus and Sora come post-KH3 and I needed to put them somewhere.

[(psst, open this link in another tab)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwVD31K-1_g&t=1360s)

Is that what it’s called? 'Insomnia?' If so, Sora used to be an insomniac. When he was younger, a child. He stayed up at night, all night, every night, because his body wouldn’t let him sleep. Because I wouldn’t let him sleep. 

Was this the revenge? My heart was aching, still aching, as it had been for years on end. My body and mind tired, but that feeling in my chest wouldn’t release the burning grip on my soul. It drove my eyes open and if I tried to shut them, a sense of dread overtook my limbs, feelings of something clawing at the edge of the bed, reaching for them. Trying to tear them off and leave me stranded.

I sat up straight, the spikes of my pale bangs falling into my eyes. My sense of control over my tired body wavered and I shook my head to get feeling back into my face. The room was dark, barely lit by any outside sources but the window towards the edge, the blaze of stars being my only comfort in this darkened void.

The blanket fell off my legs and I dangled them over the edge. A hollow feeling in my heart, where something used to fill it. To be beside it. I stood up and walked to the wooden door, my body moving on its own before I’d decided to go forward with my idea. Before my hand grabbed the knob, I pulled back. 

My eyes on my hand. It was hard to see in the dark, but I was twitching. My fingertips periodically flicked, if just barely, and my arm was shaking. I grabbed my arm with the other palm, trying to hold it steady. What am I feeling? Why did I get up? _Just lay down, close your eyes, you’ll go to sleep eventually._

I told myself that, but I still didn't move. My legs shook at the door, unwilling to fulfill my request to take me back to the bed. I only got more frustrated.  _This is a bad idea. Go lay down. Get sleep. You're going to need it. Please._

I can’t sleep.

I’m scared to sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, my heart beats louder. It had dwindled on the edge of death. And it was only because of Sora that I lived, when his heart reached out for mine, and protected it when I needed it most. Was it really right of me, then, to make him fear sleep as much as I do?

When he was a child, and I had become trapped in the perpetual dream, all I wanted to do was force the darkness to release me from sleep. I'd beat on the metaphysical tendrils of shadow that tied me down to his heart. It was worse when Sora would try to sleep as well. I felt the darkness pushing his heart into slumber, and all I would do was fight it, trying to get it away from him. It’d make him wake up, stare out the window at night, even as his body begged me stop. He'd be exhausted during the day, often times his own mother scolding him if he fell asleep while she was talking to him. Sora was a very tired child because of me. It’s probably why he dozes off on occasion these days. He never got the sleep he needed then, and his body will take whatever it can get now. 

What right did I have to ask him if I could just...? No I can't. Knowing what I’d done.

I eventually began to accept my fate, my infinite dream, and sometimes nightmare. My dreams were the strangest. I was aware they weren’t real, that what I was seeing was all an illusion in my head. And I’d hoped maybe I could somehow manipulate them. I couldn’t, because they weren’t dreams I was experiencing. But memories. From myself. From Sora. From Roxas, too. I still never knew who Roxas or Sora really were, just that I owed Sora, for both saving my life and dealing with my paranoia. I felt my guilt wrack up whenever I saw what he’d gone through, and what Roxas had gone through. The extremes that their individuals existences were taken to, just because of what my friends and I did in the past. Or maybe what we'd failed to do. I dreaded the thought of waking up and having to face what I’d done just by existing in Sora's heart, and in time, Roxas'. 

My hand was on the knob, the tips of my fingers clinging to the cold metal. _Don't do it._ I let it fall off and I turned back to the bed. The tiredness in my eyes was coming back, and I felt I was going to actually sleep now. The idea made my heart beat faster. I couldn’t fall asleep, I kept telling myself. But another part of me said that I had to. 

I sat on the edge of the bed and held my hands in my lap. My limbs felt frail. My skin was pale. I knew the natural blond I had was darker and less saturated. I hadn’t moved or been out in the sun in years. How many had it been? Sora is almost seventeen-years old…. Twelve years. It’d been that long since I last felt the warmth of the sun… Somehow, I didn’t miss it. 

There was something on the other side of the door. I heard the shuffling. My body woke up faster than my mind, and my hand twitched to take my Keyblade up in arms. The door cracked open enough to let just a little light into the room, and someone's shadow.

“Ventus, are you awake?” That voice was still scarring to hear, but this variation was kind and considerate. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, not like the other one.

“Yes. I can’t sleep.” I felt Sora’s eyes on me and averted contact. 

“I felt the same.” The shadow where he stood crept into the room just a little further. My mind immediately when to thoughts of dread. Can he not sleep because of me? Do I still have some influence over that? And if that's the case, why do I still feel so... so _empty?_ “Can I come in?” He was tentative to ask the question, the hints of doubt plastered in his voice.

I wasn’t expecting him to ask and looked back to see his messy outline against the light coming from the door. “Yeah, sure.” I didn’t look away this time, holding my eyes, as painful as it was, on his silhouette

“Thanks…” His voice was low and quiet. He shut the door behind him and walked towards the bedside. I moved a bit to the left so that he would be able to sit down. And yet, he stood there, hovering, inches away.

Our eyes met and I asked, “Do you wanna sit?” It felt a bit redundant to ask.

“I want to know… if you’re okay.” He loomed over me, a tall figure in the dark room, who's face too closely resembled one I'd grown to have nightmares about. I felt like I was about to be interrogated, and by someone who wanted me dead.

“My body isn’t… used to being awake. I just have a lot of energy, is all.” I lied blatantly. Almost felt proud of the lie. I didn’t do it often. Maybe I’d step around the truth when it came to talking to Terra at times, but I never actually told someone something dishonest, most especially about myself. But I felt the need to hide the truth from Sora, and I knew exactly why: I owed him too much to give him something else to worry about. 

“Be honest with me, please.” The pride in my heart dropped like a weight and I looked up to see his blue eyes, seemingly brighter than the rest of him in shadow. His brows furrowed and a small frown on his face. “You’re not okay. I can feel it.”

“’Feel it’?” The phrase didn’t seem right. He and I were separated from each other. His heart no longer had a place for mine. I didn’t belong there. He shouldn’t feel anything I’m feeling. He can't feel this pain.

“I don’t know… how or… why. But you’re hurting. I can tell.” His hand reached out to my shoulder and he grabbed me. I almost felt better immediately. But the feeling faded as fast as it came. “You can’t sleep, how come?”

I pulled mine own eyes away. Sora, you don’t have to put up with me or my issues anymore, I wanted to tell him. But I’ve had enough dreams of his life to know that would only mean for him to try harder to get to me. I shook my head. 

“I don’t know, I just can’t.”

I was lying and I knew it. And he somehow knew that, too. Even if he didn't say it. “Then you mind if… I try to figure it out?” He bent down to try to catch my eyes again and it worked. I looked up and nodded

My hands held my tired head in their palms. Sora sat down next to me and my eyes followed him. He held both his hands in front him and looked up at the dark corners of the room. “You might be feeling energetic from sleeping for so long. But I’m looking at you now-” He looked at my face and his eyes seemed to evoke a feeling of pity, “-and you don’t look like you could stand up for very long.”

I nodded again, acknowledging his defacement of my lies. He continued to wedge the guilt in my heart: “You don’t seem like someone who’s quiet when they’re bothered by something.” 

My jaw clenched and my fingers pulled at the blanket beneath me. He hardly knew who I was and somehow had me figured out in no less than a few hours. We talked all of once. Only once. And again, I wasn’t mad at anyone but myself. I _was_ predictable, wasn’t I? 

“Ventus, what’s hurting?” His hand landed on my shoulder and he shook me lightly. I kept my eyes on the empty shadows, and I could feel him staring into me. 

“I… I’m missing something.” I didn’t lie that time. 

“Is it Terra?”

It stung to hear his name. Aqua made sure to let me know that Terra was taken from us because of Xehanort. It wasn’t my fault because I’d failed to tell him about Vanitas. It wasn’t Aqua’s fault for failing to stop him from trusting Xehanort. And it wasn’t the Master’s fault for trying to chastise Terra back to the right path. Of course, I missed him. But his light wasn’t the one I was longing for. It was hard to bring myself to say it. 

“I miss Terra… but that’s not what I mean.” I managed that much out. 

Sora’s head hung on his shoulders and he looked down at my twitching hands. He was quick to pick up on hints, I wasn’t ready to talk about Terra. He changed the topic. “Well, uh…. you worried about tomorrow?” 

“Of course.” I breathed the answer easily. My heart rate immediately lowered as we entered the more approachable topic. “I’m not sure what we’re gonna see when we get out there…. but it’s making me a bit nervous.” I laughed just barely, letting the small delight leave my mouth.

I looked back at my hand and raised it to see it better. The band on my wrist felt tight, like it didn't fit me anymore. “I almost wanna stay here and avoid it all. I just want to go-” I stopped myself. My hand twitched at my own thoughts. No, I don’t want to-

“’Go back to sleep?’” He finished my sentence. “What, was twelve years not enough for you?” A light chuckle left his lips and he smiled to himself. 

His words were my breaking point, carving into my very being like a knife would through flesh. The frustration I felt with myself began to show physically. I felt the tears begin to spill over my eyes and run down my face. The droplets hit the back of my hand, where Sora had been staring. He silenced himself and his eyes dilated, trailing back up to my tear-streaked face. 

“You don’t  _want_  to sleep.” He muttered the words and I nodded just barely, my mouth shaking as I tried to stifle the cries in my throat. I was ready to let them go when Sora grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapped around me and he forced some air out of my lungs. He rest his face over my right shoulder, securing his grip on my body. I buried my face into his shoulder and let the tears slip onto his jacket. The twinge of guilt hurt, Sora loved this jacket. He adored the new clothes he’d gotten. Red was his favourite color. I tried to swallow my sobs, but they came out, if just barely. 

Sora. I know a lot about you, if only from the dreams. You're best friends with Riku, who you consider a rival. You wanted to be better than Riku, and hated to admit it when Riku was the superior. You always tried to be better for Kairi. The young girl whom you’d found on the beach and brought home with you one day. Your mother was very concerned and brought the girl somewhere else, away from you. Sora, you never stopped worrying about Kairi after she’d been taken away from you. You wanted to stay with your new friend. You care for her, as you care for almost everyone you meet. I envy such affection.

As I pulled my mind out of its sorrow, I realized it wasn’t me that was weeping anymore. I could feel the wet tears on my shoulder, sinking through the fabric of my jacket and touching my skin. I was jostled every few seconds by Sora’s bawling. He hugged me tighter, his hands pulling on the fabric of my jacket and the cross-ties around my chest. “I’m _sorry…_ I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

The weight in my heart dropped heavier, making its beating like a drum in my head. You shouldn’t care about how I feel, I wanted to say. The strain in his voice was pushing me to start to cry again, a few more tears slipping down my cheeks. “I’m so-” He sniffled. “ _-sorry_ that you’re feeling like this.”

He can’t know how I’m truly feeling. Sora didn’t know how my heart ached. It wasn’t possible. “I’m sorry, Ventus…. I’m sorry.” He kept lamenting, sniveling tears staining my clothes.

 _He doesn't mean that._ I lowered my face a bit so I could talk without being muffled by his jacket. My voice cracked in the most embarrassing way, “You _don’t_ have to worry about this, _Sora._ ” The grip he had on me tightened again and I could feel his hands trying to pull me closer, even if we were as close as could be. That aching pain in my chest wasn't going to fade, but right now? It was hardly noticeable.

“Yes, I do…! I do because….  _because you’re not alone anymore!”_

He screamed that. I’d never heard him scream, even when he was a child. There was not a chance that he knew about my heart. That nostalgic tie that I desperately wanted to believe was still there between Sora and I. It was gone. It didn’t exist anymore. He couldn’t fill the hollowness inside me.

“This isn’t something you need to concern yourself with.” I kept my voice low. I lifted one arm around his back, grappling to comfort him. 

“It is!” His voice tore through me, cracked and desperate. His heartbeat was definitive against my own. “Because you  _chose me_  to protect you!”

The shrill cries and mewls that escaped his lips were echoing what I felt inside.  _This isn’t possible._ ** _This isn’t possible._**

“You don’t have to  _shut me out.”_ The words were choked out of his mouth. “Not yet. Not until I do what I  _said_  I would.” His grip loosened. “I’m going to keep you safe from whatever I can, _alright?!_ I _said_ that I would. I _promised_ I'd keep you _safe."_

I closed my eyes on his shoulder and refused to wail. Sora knew me, somehow. Today was the first day we'd ever talked in over a decade. The last time, he couldn't even remember. He was only a child, and he had no idea what was going to happen to him. But he echoed those same words that I'd come to know quite well. I could stay with him, if it made me feel better. He’d never met me before today, but it feels like he’s been calling me his friend for years now. 

My eyes were heavy from weeping, even if Sora had done the majority of it. I let my weight sink into his body and I pulled my other arm around him, over his back and latched on to his shoulders. And I held on. I could hear his heartbeat clearly. I could feel that warmth completely. 

He held me close, letting a few more sobs out. "I'm gonna keep you safe." He kept repeating that, quietly and broken. I started to cry just a bit more, but I wasn't sad. I wasn't sad for him or myself. I smiled a bit, brows furrowed, and I let the tears flood down my face.

"Thank you." I muttered. The aching pain was almost gone.

He started to pull away. I felt desperate and tightened the hug, if only for a second, and he lingered, recognizing my want. Our wailing was almost gone. Our breathing almost normal.

His hands pulled off my back and onto my shoulders. He opened his eyes, red with water all over his cheeks. The weak smile on his lips and furrowed brows told me something that I’d been aching to hear since I’d woken up: he was still with me. Even if our hearts were separated, whence they should've been from the beginning, we were still with each other. We were still connected.

I returned the look and did my best to contain anymore cries I had hidden in my throat. Though I sniffled on occasion. My hand rose and wiped away what it could with my wrist. Sora did the same and we both sat there, trying to compose ourselves, taking deep breaths.

“Sorry, don’t know where that came from.” His voice was cracked and broken, but he no longer wailed when he spoke. The puffiness in his eyes was already beginning to fade. “I probably woke up the others with all that.”

“I’m sure they’re fine.” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. “Thank you, Sora.” My vision focused again and I saw him sitting in the darkness of my room. 

“Of course.” His voice was returning again. “Can you sleep now?”

The thought still paralyzed me. He could tell and put his hand back on my shoulder, concern mounting on his face. “Does it scare you?”

I shrugged and looked back. “I don’t want to sleep through another war.” 

He smirked and tried to hide a laugh, turning his face away from me. I smiled and let out something of a sound of amusement. He took in a deep breath and looked back at me. “Would it help if you had someone with you?” The smile was genuine. His blue eyes were kind.

The answer didn’t come to me easily. I stared at his face, my mind dismissing every possibility that he asked me that question. _He wouldn't ask you that question. It's too stupid of an idea._ But I pushed the doubts away and said in my own voice:

“Yeah, it would.”

Sora fell asleep at the head of the bed, dozing off almost immediately, mouth hanging open and a light snore. His limbs sprawled out around him, taking up his half of the bed. I already knew Sora was a fidgety person, but I didn't know he was like that while asleep. It was strange. One little thing I didn't know about him. And I thought I knew a lot. I guess I was amused. This boy that I'd been watching grow up, I was still learning things about him. Learning things from him.

I laid down next to him, already feeling the comfort of being near his heart again. I couldn’t describe it any differently. He was the safest I’d felt in a long time. Maybe safer than when Aqua led Sora to find my body. Maybe safer than sitting on the steps outside with Aqua, making our promise to share stories, when Terra's back. It was still the strangest feeling, but I didn't shy away from it. To anyone else, this must've looked bizarre and unnatural. But I could actually let my head rest on the pillow now.

I kept my eyes on Sora. The fear in the back of my mind was telling me to keep my eyes open. _If you fall asleep again, you're not gonna wake up._  But Sora's demeanor was enough to push the doubts away. I stared at the falling and  rising of his breathing. The occasional twitch of one of his limbs as he reacted to something in a dream. He’d groan in his sleep and move, but only barely. His arm fell down from behind his head to beside me. 

His words hung in my heart as I stared at his hand. I _did_ choose him, didn’t I? I chose Sora to protect me. And he has. He is. And he said that he always will. I let my eyes close and began to feel the exhaustion of being alive. My heart drifted elsewhere, somewhere that felt safe. So familiar, and warm. I remember it fondly.

It was him. His heart. His home.


End file.
